Poems from 2006
Buzz Head
lost my mind day by day of memories of let downs and sorries
hurt so much inside wishing grace to brush away the dust of yesterday
my heart was just beating for blood in an empty shell of skin
I put my ear to the ground and my head was dizzy listening to the dead-they know
closing my eyes and tears only run on the sides of my face and drip off the side of my jaw
maybe if I listen to some music to inspire me, I can ride and float on a note of wonderland
someone elses pain to lose myself in and hold me by my ear sensors
still dizzy and don’t want to listen anymore
I dream and I can hear his heart beat…that is the heaven I hear
Stars Must Be
Blame the stars for the bright and shine, for the alignment and destiny unfolding
Lay on soil and stare up, you see them fall and twinkle yet your fate is parellel
Do your best to reach a star and you shall die and your soul removed to the other side
Stars the window to the other side, you will know all the answers and the higher power
Earth is hell and the sky is heaven, be sure you know this and pray to the sky before you sleep
She
Here sinking in deep in fluid weightlessness
Eyes closed, head back and ankles tied together
Losing my mind and brain slowing motion
Nude calmed skin newly kissed
No fear of the bottom
She will catch me
Down Above
you didn’t ask me again, you just take it and my existence has slowly disappeared
my whole soul drifts away to the angels and they fly me to a safe place
my body is dirty, foul, polluted, and my limbs are in disarray
I can look down and see how much fun you are having
your toy doll with no soul, you just screw me and show no affection
burdened with blame, when did I go wrong and why am I not worth it
I changed, I said I would be good this time, I did everything you told me to
Tears and screaming into pillows were my secret hell
Wake up scared and going to bed scared, I was a shell that was ready to blow away
That’s why the angels have welcomed me, they know and see a beautiful woman
I have deserved my pretty white feathered wings, it’s time to fly now, good-bye
Flirt Skirt
sometimes you can just see in their eyes that they are into you
you try to be shy about it and might ignore it but it is still there next time
your mouth is constantly wet and smiles at every single word
the treasure is just right in front of you and you think it is too soon to claim
when the first kiss and the first hug happened, you knew it felt too right and too good
this is studpid, I like him, I really like him and I hardly know him
butterflys in the stomach that cause the head to float to the sky too
will he show up, will he touch my hand again, will he look into my eyes and not talk
can I be myself now and pretend that I am what I am
no more pretending, I think he gets me
Better World
Dreams are made of this, finding another soul to use love and meaning
All the senses are finally being utilized and new music written for the brain to hear
Each minute is not alone but together in time, each hour connected for each day
You finally realize that your life is not losing but gaining, your adding not subtracting
Strength and peace has taken over your free thoughts and you want your partner
Your secrets have evaporated and no harm is to come to your emotional backbone
At last you can see that there are no guarantees but it is time to trust your heart
The heart beats so evenly and strongly for your lover, just a touch would speed it up
No more childish games or cheating necessary, not stuck in a hole you dug yourself
Sucking out all your air, when you hear that voice, you know the power and wisdom
Wrap your arms around me and shield me from all that happened in the past
Can’t deal with injustice and pain, wipe my numb tears and silent crying face
Evil has slowly marched down to hell and away from my being, be gone forever
I see the light and I will stay with him who makes me adapt to a better world
Secret
how can he care so much and why does he?
the flaws and the obvious disease should make him sneak out the back door
giving the quiet and gentle love that is so natural and kind spirited
my heart is so used to not working so now it is starting to beat again with new blood
the inner soul is starting to reach out for his and actually wanting to float there next to his
such hot passion and wanting to please his every want need…
yep I like you
Doll Face
Mistakes with dark stains of abuse and my lowly dim heart in misery
I’ve fell forward so hard on the cement ground and found no one to help me back up
My pathetic weakness is the life of invisible chemical harming my head sharply
Pretend and put the mask on so tight that your mouth is never forced to speak
Stuck with rushing thoughts like being on a freeway with no destination at 120 mph
Pretty dolly with pink cheeks, red lips, pretty smile…sure knows how to play pretend
Hold your head up, keep your head up…keep up the act and ignore the truth
Heather Deogracia 