Tripped on Old E-mails…Landed on Poems

Poems from 2006

Buzz Head

lost my mind day by day of memories of let downs and sorries

hurt so much inside wishing grace to brush away the dust of yesterday

my heart was just beating for blood in an empty shell of skin

I put my ear to the ground and my head was dizzy listening to the dead-they know

closing my eyes and tears only run on the sides of my face and drip off the side of my jaw

maybe if I listen to some music to inspire me, I can ride and float on a note of wonderland

someone elses pain to lose myself in and hold me by my ear sensors

still dizzy and don’t want to listen anymore

I dream and I can hear his heart beat…that is the heaven I hear


Stars Must Be


Blame the stars for the bright and shine, for the alignment and destiny unfolding

Lay on soil and stare up, you see them fall and twinkle yet your fate is parellel

Do your best to reach a star and you shall die and your soul removed to the other side

Stars the window to the other side, you will know all the answers and the higher power

Earth is hell and the sky is heaven, be sure you know this and pray to the sky before you sleep




Here sinking in deep in fluid weightlessness

Eyes closed, head back and ankles tied together

Losing my mind and brain slowing motion

Nude calmed skin newly kissed

No fear of the bottom

She will catch me


Down Above


you didn’t ask me again, you just take it and my existence has slowly disappeared

my whole soul drifts away to the angels and they fly me to a safe place

my body is dirty, foul, polluted, and my limbs are in disarray

I can look down and see how much fun you are having

your toy doll with no soul, you just screw me and show no affection

burdened with blame, when did I go wrong and why am I not worth it

I changed, I said I would be good this time, I did everything you told me to

Tears and screaming into pillows were my secret hell

Wake up scared and going to bed scared, I was a shell that was ready to blow away

That’s why the angels have welcomed me, they know and see a beautiful woman

I have deserved my pretty white feathered wings, it’s time to fly now, good-bye


Flirt Skirt


sometimes you can just see in their eyes that they are into you

you try to be shy about it and might ignore it but it is still there next time

your mouth is constantly wet and smiles at every single word

the treasure is just right in front of you and you think it is too soon to claim

when the first kiss and the first hug happened, you knew it felt too right and too good

this is studpid, I like him, I really like him and I hardly know him

butterflys in the stomach that cause the head to float to the sky too

will he show up, will he touch my hand again, will he look into my eyes and not talk

can I be myself now and pretend that I am what I am

no more pretending, I think he gets me


Better World


Dreams are made of this, finding another soul to use love and meaning

All the senses are finally being utilized and new music written for the brain to hear

Each minute is not alone but together in time, each hour connected for each day

You finally realize that your life is not losing but gaining, your adding not subtracting

Strength and peace has taken over your free thoughts and you want your partner

Your secrets have evaporated and no harm is to come to your emotional backbone

At last you can see that there are no guarantees but it is time to trust your heart

The heart beats so evenly and strongly for your lover, just a touch would speed it up

No more childish games or cheating necessary, not stuck in a hole you dug yourself

Sucking out all your air, when you hear that voice, you know the power and wisdom

Wrap your arms around me and shield me from all that happened in the past

Can’t deal with injustice and pain, wipe my numb tears and silent crying face

Evil has slowly marched down to hell and away from my being, be gone forever

I see the light and I will stay with him who makes me adapt to a better world




how can he care so much and why does he?

the flaws and the obvious disease should make him sneak out the back door

giving the quiet and gentle love that is so natural and kind spirited

my heart is so used to not working so now it is starting to beat again with new blood

the inner soul is starting to reach out for his and actually wanting to float there next to his

such hot passion and wanting to please his every want need…

yep I like you


Doll Face


Mistakes with dark stains of abuse and my lowly dim heart in misery

I’ve fell forward so hard on the cement ground and found no one to help me back up

My pathetic weakness is the life of invisible chemical harming my head sharply

Pretend and put the mask on so tight that your mouth is never forced to speak

Stuck with rushing thoughts like being on a freeway with no destination at 120 mph

Pretty dolly with pink cheeks, red lips, pretty smile…sure knows how to play pretend

Hold your head up, keep your head up…keep up the act and ignore the truth








Published by heatherdeogracia

On the first day of my job, I walk into a production studio to hand in paperwork. A young gentleman stands up to shake my hand when I walk into the room. "Wow! You are tall." he states. I point to my heels of my shoes. "Wow! You are short." Laughter lights up the room. Matt Damon San Francisco Clear Channel Radio With an electric soul of an artist, Heather Deogracia, has an interesting personality that uses her manic branches of her mind to express her sense of humor, expand the creative hourly illustration addiction and continually read big books about artistic principles, elements and glorious techniques to feed her intellectual capabilities. “With a splash of color and chemicals in my brain, I have to clean it out once a day or it must flash flood my other organs.” Heather Deogracia Proud to start staging a background of her latest achievements, Heather was on the front page Sunday Feature in the Midland Daily News on Oct. 19, 2016 and is an Award-Winning Fine Artist for the state-wide competition Legacy Trust Award Collection for the past three years in a row. She displayed in over 30 exhibits and fundraisers in the tri-city area over the past four years. She has earned a 2017 Leadership of Bay County Achievement Award from Studio 23 and a Midland County Art Letourneau Award for "Collaboration and Creativity in Community Support". A harshly educated woman, Deogracia spent five years to earn a double major Bachelor’s Degree of Science in Medical Illustration in Pre-Medicine and Fine Art at California State University in San Bernardino. At the same time period, she held down three jobs as an Intern for the District Attorney, Graphics Editor for the college weekly newspaper and created the Peer Health Education program. Her artistic talents covered in the fine studio art requirements included painting, color theory, graphic design, photography, figure drawing, advanced drawing, watercolor, sculpture, illustration and art portfolio assignments to keep work organized. In the sciences, she has a background in chemistry, organic chemistry, biochemistry, advanced human anatomy and psychology, biology, genetics, comparative animal psychology, marine biology and medical microbiology. Currently, she has been an art instructor for workshops for the past year for Creative 360, teaching private art lessons and writing a graphic novel soon to complete by the beginning of 2018 named Heather Hurts Inside: Illustrations of a Broken Human. The new true story is about a suicidal bipolar woman that is prescribed Ritalin at the age of 38 and she reverts back to her glory days of her life. The truth is that no one knows the past is killing her mind.

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