Soul Beauty

Has anyone in your entire life looked at you and said these words “Your soul is beautiful”? 

Hmmmm…crying spell for Heather once again.  I was so quiet the whole bible study group on sunday and the leader asked me why I was being so quiet…imagine that!  I had been assigned to read this book about the 26 names of God and I started to go beyond the topic about how the universe even came to be.  I started to really question the true start of my soul.  My father had a soul.  My mother had a soul.  They together made a new “soul”.  Me. 

All my life I was called good names and bad names.  I put that smile on my face and tried to laugh off the compliment or the criticism.  In truth, I would find a secret spot and cry out my feelings.  My brain actually triggered something in me that my feelings would calm again if I just be silent or sob out the problems in my life.  Being made fun of being a crying girl really hurt me deep inside.  I had a pocket in my brain that collected the hurt and another pocket of absolute brilliant shining moments. 

Then it hit me a few days ago that I was never comforted all these years of a traumatic childhood, teen, adult stages of my life.  I never got the hug.  I never got the kiss on the cheek.  I never heard the words of unconditional love.

Finally, I brought this up at the group and everyone saw the pain and watch my eyes splash with tears.  Everyone got out of their seats and put their hands on me.  Real true love was in that room and now my soul can stop suffering.  I surrendered my mind from every bad deed and all the time I wasted on what other people thought about me.

I now look at tissues a whole new way…let the world be mean and I will cry.  Let the world be nice and I will cry.  I was called a “beautiful” soul in 2014 and from this day forward, respect my outpour of tears and understand a “broken” spirit takes time to heal.